Ah, Boy Cave, er, Bay Cove. A made for TV flick from back in the early days of television, the late 80's. Back when crap like that actually happened - a bunch of random ass stars like Woody freaking Harrelson and a chick from Dynasty piled into a rocket ship of fail and took off for the heavens.

Only to get shot down in a bolt of lightning!

Yeah, Woody Harrelson is in this. He'd been in Cheers for two seasons, so apparently someone thought it'd be a great idea for him to be in this "mystery on island" piece of crap for about...oh, five minutes or so. I'm sure it was a huge draw at the time.

Why doesn't that happen anymore? I mean, I know a lot of people from TV crossover into movies now more than they did then, but I'd still like to see some of the more random people throw down in an awful made for TV horror ripoff like this. Not that it would be good or anything, but damn.

Anyway, Boy Cave...dammit, Bay Cove is pretty awful. The plot has been done about ten billion times before (pretty sure the first horror story ever written was about two cavemen going to an island and OH SHIT WEIRD THINGS ARE HAPPENING WE'RE TOTALLY SCREWED GRAG) and the only thing it has going for it is Woody Harrelson exploding for no reason in a really, really long and slow-motioned flying jeep sequence.

Though, surprisingly, there are some random shots in the movie that are halfway decent. One pans the couple's city apartment while downstairs Woody kicks the door in (looking like Michael Jackson - it was the 80's I guess) and interrupts the incredibly mismatched couple during their afternoon mating ritual. Some shots like this show there was some semblance of coherency going on in the director's mind, but alas. Too much Boy Cave I guess.

The script was written by Tim Kring, of "Teen Wolf Too" fame...and, creator of the shitty X-Men rip-off, "Heroes." Yes, not kidding, the TV show. The one with Hayden Pantekjfdwhatever. Who I totally saw at a restaurant in Atlanta a few weeks ago. Anyway, not surprised the script was so bad, considering "Heroes," but hey, we all have to start somewhere.

There's no real horror at all, and things are made worse by the movie referencing Rosemary's Baby incredibly blatantly. Another major problem is the fact the coven can change reality (presumably just on the island, but I have no idea). They make gravestones appear from the dirt and their names change on the door. What I'm wondering is, why in the hell didn't they do all this before? Instead of the main character aaaaaaaaaaaaaalmost figuring things out THEN changing shit, just change the stupid crap around in the first place! You've been in the witch business for 300 fucking years, you haven't figured this kind of stuff out yet?

Whatever. It's made for TV so of course no good stuff. The story sucks, acting sucks - couple of good potshots from God himself, one which blows up a whole church (lightning is made from napalm...I saw it), plus Woody blowing up, that's about it. This gets an "E" for "Don't watch it, Ever."

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