Alison seems to have everything a girl could want. Popularity, a great assclown boyfriend, a spot on the cheerleading squad, friends, mental health instablities. Who could ask for more?
Hell we don't know. It's not our job to. What we do know is that her and her ragtag buncha teamates are off to some lame-ass, broken down, 'Cheerleader' camp run by one woman and a couple of guys who didn't make the "Caddyshack" films. Whilst Alison wrestles with her episdoes, other campers are being picked off one by one. All fingers start to (thanks to great editing) point to her, and Bonnie, and Brent, and Ms. Tipton, hmmm, maybe Pop. Or, or, it could be one of the guys in that whack-ass band on stage. Or maybe they point to that 49,287 lb. lard man-ass hanging out of the van window.
Screw pointing fingers. Shoulda been pointing guns.
Alison - Betsy Russell
Brent - Leif Garrett
Cory - Lucinda Dickey
Bonnie - Lorie Griffin
Pop - George 'Buck' Flower
Timmy - Travis McKenna
Pamela - Teri Weigel
Theresa - Rebecca Ferratti
Ms. Dee Dee Tipton - Vickie Benson
Suzy - Krista Pflanzer
Sheriff Poucher - Jeff Prettyman
Chief Ronnie - William Johnson (you've got to be kidding!!!)
Written by - David Lee Fein & R.L. O'Keefe
Directed by - John Quinn
I'm runnin' outta yellow flags to throw. I'm gonna have to resort to socks pretty soon. I don't even think I have enough yellow fabric to cover that 32874936874658748959 lb. fucking fat fucking man-ass I just singed my brain with, either!. *grrrrrrggggrgr*
I don't get it. Your movie is about a fucking "Cheerleader" camp and it's a rated 'R' horror flick. You have an "A list" lineup for a cast. You have a 'softcore' movie star, Playboy playmate, Playboy playmate turned hardcore porn star, and a Penthouse Pet. The only one who shed skin was Wiegel and some other chick. Oh yeah, and the bucking-futt ugly as crap head counsler. Naysayers can shut the fuckdamnasshell up about their pride and crap. You know why the fuck these broads were hired.
We also get a washed up pop idol who likes to wear speedos and pack his underwear, a fat fucking assclown who feels the need to be naked more than the cheerleaders, and the chick from "Breakin' 2"!
I'm gonna rip this crap to shreds. The kills were mostly implied, and only had one good one you really didn't see. But it was implied that it hurt! Fucking yay! The camp setting is shoddy as fuck and you can tell who does this for real and who our cast is. I have to sit through a shitty rap act that even Vanilla Ice could top, and NO amount of skin evens out the ratio of the fucking 33764373 lb. ASS I HAD TO LOOK AT!!! Your only saving grace is the fact Dickey is hot and crazy as hell (that's how the Cap'n likes 'em) and the end was decent.
Other than that, fuck you and your crap movie, Quinn!
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I'm runnin' outta yellow flags to throw. I'm gonna have to resort to socks pretty soon. I don't eve ...
Random violence - yes
Pointless nudity - yes
Uppercut - no
"Feel the Spirit" - no
36,452 lb. man ass! -yes
A FUCKING 267,847 lb. MAN ASS!!! - yes
Thought I heard opportunity knocking around here somewhere.
FAT - MAN - ASS!!!
The hell did he say?!
Why make anything blatantly obvious? That's just silly.
I know he doesn't think he's cool with those shirts.
I see, that must be his gimmick.
Does Lief Garret always have to find a reason to run around in his fucking underwear?!
Extreme-rock-and-roll-teenage-cheerleader-party!
Don't get up. Don't get up.
Extreme-fat-guy-commando-roll!
You better hope it's April Fool's.
Texas justice!
Brent - "Yeah, well, I still think you're beautiful and your eyes told me to come over here."
Cheerleader - "Well my lips are telling you to go."
Pop - "Line of duty my ass. Line of dirty's more like it."
Bonnie - "I wish she'd care more about the team than getting honey on her muffin."
Pop - "The one in the orange shirt make your PP harder than a 10lb. pack of nickel jawbreakers, now what I mean?"
Alison - "She's dead, Brent."
Brent - "She's not dead."
Alison - "You don't know that."
