Some Teutonic Knights decide to expell some "Texas Justice" to a village suspected of heresy. The dead bodies are all piled up, buried, and extremely blessed. A church is erected on the gravesite.
Fast forward to the modern and some meddlin', uh, librarian decides to play "stick my nose where it doesn't belong" and basically awakens whatever was sleepin' and causes all kinds of crazy, spooky stuff to happen.

Father Gus - Hugh Quarshie
Evan- Tomas Arana
The Bishop - Feodor Chaliapin Jr.
Lisa - Barbara Cupisti
Reverend - Giovanni Lombardo Radice
Lotte - Asia Argento
Freddie - Roberto Caruso
Hermann - Roberto Corbiletto
Lotte's mother - Alina De Simone
Mira - Olivia Cupisti
Joanna - Claire Hardwick
Bruno - Lars Jorgenson
Heinrich - John Karlsen

Director - Michele Sovai
Written by - Nick Alexander, Dario Argento, Franco Ferrini, & Michele Sovai

Random violence- yes
Uppercut- no
Pointless nudity- yes
Due to a pointless body double- yes
Which leads to pointless sex with a half man/half goat- yes
Horsey Soccer- yes

Which way again?
How can they see with that bucket on their heads?
Texas Justice! Guiltah!
Count the basket!
AFLAC!
BLESSED!!!
Whar's m'pruunes?
Naked woman or decrypt the scriptures. Decrypt the scriptures.
Ha-doo-kin!
2 Fast, 2 Fuurious
What the problem is?
Damn old people. They're all crazy.
That's one lucky...Gargoyle?!
Trumpet? WTF?!
See? Damn old people really are crazy.
Maybe you should have let go?
Damn fat kids. They're all crazy.
Tic Tac Toe, bitches!

Evan - "It's my first day and I'm already late."
Bishop - "It's your first day and you're already late. Not a good start."

Man at Work - "Judging by the sound of the drill, I'd say there's a, there's a cave under here, a big one."

Evan - "Let's get out of here. I'm seeing visions after counting all of those books."
Lisa - "Visions of burning sinners and devils with pitchforks, I suppose?"
Evan - "Why not angels laying down some great harp with angels dancing in ectasy?"

Reverend - "The world is the Devil's. The world is the Devil's. In other words, the world identifies itself with the Devil."

Lisa - "I'm gonna draw a shower. Amuse yourself while I'm gone."

Old woman - "Quite a event and what's he looking at?"

Any conversation between the old couple.