Some "meddling" kids decide to go camping for a weekend and just happen to stumble onto an old church and cemetary where very bitter (will they ever get over it?) members of the Confederate army are buried. One of the campers decides to "permanently borrow" a journal of one of the soldiers. Those danged kids! Always a'takin' whut ain't thars and a'causin trouble!!!
The soldiers wake *gasp!* and rather than just retrieve the damn book, they decide they want to eat everybody. That journal must be a great read.*hint hint*
**BTW: The original title for this film is "Curse of the Screaming Dead"**
Wyatt - Steve Sandkuhler
Mel - Christopher Gummer
Sarah - Rebecca Bach
Bill - Jim Ball
Lin - Judy Dixon
Kiyomi - Mimi Ishikawa
Capt. Mahler - Mark Redfield
Deputy Franklin - Bumb Roberts
Capt. Fritz - Richard Ruxton
Written by - Lon Huber & Tony Malanowski
Directed by - Tony Malanowski
This film is completely be-bop-ba-loop-ba-BAD! The acting is NONexsistent. The film was shot on multiple locations over the span of maybe 28763 days. Whether it be the black of night or 2:42 PM in the afternoon, they obviously didn't give a fuck. They put it all together anyway. On top of that I couldn't tell if the cast was really talking to anyone at all. The "zombies" were all mixtures of soldiers, aliens from space, and some random people who happened to be bitten somewhere along the way. The SFX were fucking terrible. Yes!
Somehow they managed to drag everything out and make it seem longer than what it really was and I don't really need to see your dumbass walking around for 45% of the movie, so there's a point. Yellow flag for "no-showing", also. he three hapless broads decide to change(into bikinis noless) in the opening and hold back. Guess they thought they were going somewhere with their careers. *Ha!* At least with er'thing else, you are given some of the most riDAMNdiculous bazooka shots ever.
Rental only!Hide Full Review
This film is completely be-bop-ba-loop-ba-BAD! The acting is NONexsistent. The film was shot on mul ...
Yeah, ok, I get it...it's supposed to be a joke (at least I think). In any case, that's what the movie was to me, one big ha-ha joke.
I mean, there's now way they were actually trying with this. Each individual shot will take place in an entirely different SEASON; forget day/night problems, one shot will be in fall, the subsequent establishing shot will be in the middle of summer. They must've broken every camera they had as well, because each scene looks entirely different pertaining to film quality. On top of that, I'm pretty sure people were changing clothes in the middle of scenes.
Don't get me started on acting. Mel's overexaggerated laughter is a perfect example of what to expect: the first sign of anything slightly humorous and Mel erupts in bouts of hysterical yet somehow mechanical laughter...it sounds like he's actually saying, "HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" with his mouth as wide open as he can get it. Hilarious.
The zombies are just kind of there. The filmmakers spent a good $5 throwing dirt in their eyes to give them the "I've been dead for 100+ years so I'm a little crusty with this dirt and all" look, which totally makes sense and isn't dumb as hell.
On top of everything else, the cameraman kept passing out!
So, quality? No. Is it funny? Are you kidding? I had tears in my eyes the whole time. It's a great addition to the site, something we hadn't seen in a while. If it had actually been trying instead of (what I percieved anyway) trying to be a spoof, I think I would've rated it higher. In any case it's worth a look through, if not a purchase; I can see the second time through being more of a chore.
Mel's laugh, though...I can only hope that he laughs like that in real life. That's the kind of friend you want around for those rough times.
"Mel, I just found out...my mother has cancer, my wife left me, my dog died and I lost my home."
"Well, look at the bright side! At least you've still got your...'health!' HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"Hide Full Review
Yeah, ok, I get it...it's supposed to be a joke (at least I think). In any case, that's what the mov ...
Random violence - yes
Bazooka shots - yes
Special effects - no
Acting - no
Editing - no
Pointless nudity - no
Tony Stark??? Iron Man wrote this movie?
The fuck is this? A Michael Jackson video?!
Is that car horn or trumpet?
Drinking and driving? Hmmm, must be as dumb as a racist.
Does anyone study their damn lines?!
Why did you change into bikinis in the first fucking place?!
Pointless closeups...and an EXTREME ZIPPER SEQUENCE!
She's thirsty, not sad, you idiot!
All this laughing, yet, not a damn thing is funny. Maybe they're laughing at themselves.
Yes. I am inquisitive.
*zzz* What?! Oh, zombies...finally.
Think they're enjoying this cannibal thing a little too much.
How do organs come from on top of the body?
Don't help or anything. That would be dumb.
The End?! WTF?!
Bill - "Come on man, you're the biggest."
Mel - "I'm not twisting her arm."
Lin - "You're twisting her heart."