A housekeeper named Thorn, who works at a ranch owned by Old Man Ive, makes the mistake of opening an exploding chest that contains a script. Shortly thereafter, he is burned alive by a, uh, demon with a flame thrower. Later, we are introduced to four friends (Gene, Linda, Cary, and Shelley) and Ken Sagoes who are going to visit Gene's Uncle Ive. They soon discover the awful secret of the ranch as they are slowly picked off... in some really, really strange (and inventive) ways. Linda finds the script and attempts to unravel the mystery before they are all killed.
Uncle Ive later reveals that the script is the product of a journalist who was killed by a South American tribe. His ashes are in an urn that is in the exploding chest Thorn found. He's exacting his revenge on anyone that goes anywhere near the ranch, probably because he looks like Quan Chi from the Mortal Kombat series. No wonder he's so pissed. The friends concoct some ideas on how to rid the world of the killer journalist (*snicker*), ultimately deciding on giving him a proper burial. But will it work?
Lenny - Ken Sagoes
Linda - Laura Albert
Gene - Jude Gerard
Cary - Lenny Delducca
Shelley - Kelly Sullivan
Uncle Ive - Theodore Lehmann
Ms. Camden - Judy Gord
Thorn - R.J. Walker
Evil Spirit - Mark Ginther
Writer & Director - Thomas Dewier
So sometime ago, I'm guessing some people decided to play a practical joke and come out with this pile of dribble; at least that's what I thought while I watched it. Please note that if you TRY and make any sense out of this, you WILL hurt yourself, and be reduced to dribbling through the rest of the... well, ... movie, if you want to call it that. Course I can't complain too much; I mean hell, any movie where kids are playing volleyball and flying kites in the middle of the winter in someone's dried out, non grassy or SANDY backyard in Pennsylvania, only to later turn into an Iron Maiden concert complete with dirtbikes and pyro (and the one random stage presence guy-in this case, the one with the sword) gets a thumbs up in my book. Also, lest ye forget the dream sequences that make no sense, except to have a reason to decapitate someone I assume ("Need to decapitate someone.... MORE DREAM SEQUENCES!"). Either way, be forewarned...if you think while watching this, it's YOUR fault!Hide Full Review
So sometime ago, I'm guessing some people decided to play a practical joke and come out with this pi ...
Do I hear a bird cawing? Luckily for the directors of this film the same bird cawed the same caw the entire film. Just one of the completely random occurrences in the movie. A definite must see for the hardcore cheesy movie goer. The script... what script?!.. they seem to be writing it as they go along. Keep your eyes peeled, ears open, and aspirin near as you venture into the 80's in a portal of complete and utter randomness.
You know, after watching this movie again, I had to up my review from a 9 to a 9.5. It is in my opinion almost perfect as far as horror cheese goes.
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ranĚdom - adj.
1. Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective: random movements. See Synonyms at chance.
2. Mathematics & Statistics. Of or relating to a type of circumstance or event that is described by a probability distribution.
3. Of or relating to an event in which all outcomes are equally likely, as in the testing of a blood sample for the presence of a substance.
Not from Dictionary.com, but should be:
See also Death By Dialogue.
Yeah, that was a long way for me to make a point that this movie should be the definition of random. Check definition #2, by the way; this movie is mathematical and statistically bad!
It is really hard to tell you how completely off the movie is, as it really does just take a quick viewing to properly understand. Oozing walls, rock bands in the forest, bubble gum detectives popping from the ground, kites; this movie has it all, including a kitchen sink at some point. When the tagline is proud that it stars a random guy from a Nightmare on Elm Street sequel (though, arguably, one of the best sequels), you know there is something wrong. It's about a killer SCRIPT, people.
But, this is Cheesy Movie Night, where we celebrate colossal flops. Do I enjoy this movie? Yes. Why? Read above. It's like a fine work of art, where you find something new to love every time you study it. I've seen it quite a few times now since we first watched it years ago, and I still manage to find some new oddity to belly laugh about.
Acting? Ha. Dialogue? For a movie about a script, it's ironic that (I'm pretty sure) they didn't use one to film the movie. Like Buster Keaton, it seems they grabbed a camera, took the most ridiculous premise they could find, and said, "Go!" No, I'm not saying it is up to Keaton's level, as the laughs are NOT intentional, though they may seem like it. However, that's why this movie gets such a high rating on this site, simply because that's what we love: movies that try oh so very hard and drop the ball oh so much.Hide Full Review
From Dictionary.com: ...
Script - no
Random cranium violence- yes
Angela Lansbury- no
Sense - no
Ca-caw? What animal is that?
Stock footage dancing!
Nipple to the north!
Um, she still has her underwear on...
The surprise in the forest!
Bodies that go *Pop!* Did he turn into bubblegum?
Rocks trigger electricity?
The old lady was 2 inches away from the door! Where did she go??
That makeout scene is HOT!
Flaming motorbikes??? Ok, I quit.
Thorn - "Come on, Camden, Fire me!"
Lenny - "Isn't this supposed to be a pretty dangerous area for a white man?"
Lenny - "Don't look at me cause I could sleep on a picket fence."
Lenny - "What the hell are we doing here then? I'm gettin the fuck out of here!"
Camden - "You don't understand. It won't let you leave."
Lenny - "Bullshit, you watch me. I'm gett...uh, I'm gettin the fuck outta here!"
Cary - "We're going to try and rewrite the script, insert the pages, and see what happens."
Camden - "Cary, you can't undo what has already been done."
Cary - "No, we're going to try and rewrite, insert the pages, and see what happens!"
Lenny - "Yah-fuckin-hoo!"