So sometime ago, I'm guessing some people decided to play a practical joke and come out with this pile of dribble; at least that's what I thought while I watched it. Please note that if you TRY and make any sense out of this, you WILL hurt yourself, and be reduced to dribbling through the rest of the... well, ... movie, if you want to call it that. Course I can't complain too much; I mean hell, any movie where kids are playing volleyball and flying kites in the middle of the winter in someone's dried out, non grassy or SANDY backyard in Pennsylvania, only to later turn into an Iron Maiden concert complete with dirtbikes and pyro (and the one random stage presence guy-in this case, the one with the sword) gets a thumbs up in my book. Also, lest ye forget the dream sequences that make no sense, except to have a reason to decapitate someone I assume ("Need to decapitate someone.... MORE DREAM SEQUENCES!"). Either way, be forewarned...if you think while watching this, it's YOUR fault!

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CahCaw.CahCaw...CahCaw,CahCaw,CahCaw...

Do I hear a bird cawing? Luckily for the directors of this film the same bird cawed the same caw the entire film. Just one of the completely random occurrences in the movie. A definite must see for the hardcore cheesy movie goer. The script... what script?!.. they seem to be writing it as they go along. Keep your eyes peeled, ears open, and aspirin near as you venture into the 80's in a portal of complete and utter randomness.

You know, after watching this movie again, I had to up my review from a 9 to a 9.5. It is in my opinion almost perfect as far as horror cheese goes.

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From Dictionary.com:

ran·dom - adj.

1. Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective: random movements. See Synonyms at chance.

2. Mathematics & Statistics. Of or relating to a type of circumstance or event that is described by a probability distribution.

3. Of or relating to an event in which all outcomes are equally likely, as in the testing of a blood sample for the presence of a substance.

Not from Dictionary.com, but should be:

See also Death By Dialogue.

Yeah, that was a long way for me to make a point that this movie should be the definition of random. Check definition #2, by the way; this movie is mathematical and statistically bad!

It is really hard to tell you how completely off the movie is, as it really does just take a quick viewing to properly understand. Oozing walls, rock bands in the forest, bubble gum detectives popping from the ground, kites; this movie has it all, including a kitchen sink at some point. When the tagline is proud that it stars a random guy from a Nightmare on Elm Street sequel (though, arguably, one of the best sequels), you know there is something wrong. It's about a killer SCRIPT, people.

But, this is Cheesy Movie Night, where we celebrate colossal flops. Do I enjoy this movie? Yes. Why? Read above. It's like a fine work of art, where you find something new to love every time you study it. I've seen it quite a few times now since we first watched it years ago, and I still manage to find some new oddity to belly laugh about.

Acting? Ha. Dialogue? For a movie about a script, it's ironic that (I'm pretty sure) they didn't use one to film the movie. Like Buster Keaton, it seems they grabbed a camera, took the most ridiculous premise they could find, and said, "Go!" No, I'm not saying it is up to Keaton's level, as the laughs are NOT intentional, though they may seem like it. However, that's why this movie gets such a high rating on this site, simply because that's what we love: movies that try oh so very hard and drop the ball oh so much.

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