Must...not...destroy...

If I ever hear another pot being banged on someone's face to simulate music again, I will spontaenously implode and destroy the universe. Imagine an hour and fifteen minutes of "music" that includes CLANG WAHEWWWW CLANK CLANK BONGA BONG BONG WHAAAAAHEWWWWWWW CLANK BONG and you'll get a rough estimate of what I'm talking about.

I've heard tell round the water cooler that the "filmmakers" were going for irony. Apparently the fact that they made a horrible, shitty movie that sucks the life out of all existence is ironic in the fact that it's a movie about bugs sucking the life out of humans. That's the irony, it kills you in real life!

Irony you say? The filmmakers were going for irony? Ok, here we go: if I ever see any of you, I will eat you. That's irony. What's not is plastering latex on some of your friends, splattering ketchup on them, and banging a metal pot on your nuts for an hour and some change and calling it a movie. Yeah, I know it's low budget. I don't care.

The "story?" Little buggy aliens take over dead human bodies and reanimate them to take over the world. Only problem is they are too cold where they land, in South America, so they lay dormant until they get to the cold climate of Canada. What do the buggies want to do? Oh yeah, spread. Then why do they destroy every single body they find? Oh, that's right, because you guys are idiots. Please read Brian Keene's novel The Rising. He at least tries to explain why his zombies are different. Here we get a goofy story about some reanimated bodies that can be killed by breathing on them too hard.

Some of the gore is ok, but the movie cheats like crazy. Yeah, we get to see a "zombie" face get destroyed by...a desk fan...*sigh*...but wait. No, we don't. There isn't actually any gore, it's more ketchup. Man, so rough.

Don't get me started on dialogue. Every line in the movie consists of "Hey man, so, um, how about, um, we explain the, um, story in broken, um, dialogue and constantly, um, talk about what we, um, are doing like we are IN A FREAKING DRAGONBALL Z EPISODE UM." I knew I was in for a headache when the first time anyone spoke it was quite literally like that. Add to that the aforementioned clangs and whistles, and there we go, migraine. Thanks "Flesh Fucks," like I don't have enough of those.

Plus, we get the "OMG Were in teh junglz so here r sum aminuls lawlz" nonsense we've seen in pretty much every damn movie on the site that takes place in a jungle. WE GET IT. You are in a jungle! We don't have to watch animals frolicking around for no damn reason! There is no way around it: it's simply filler. Watching a lizard chew on a piece of fruit happens to be a personal favorite pasttime of mine, but I'd rather not see it in a freaking zombie movie for FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME.

So let's see: bad story, bad dialogue, cheating on the gore, and filler...was there anything good? I really tried to find something, especially since this is an independent release and I know they had their hearts set, but this is just crap-a-doodle-dumb. I've vomited more interesting things than this.

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