I actually saw this back on Friday, and it’s taken me a few days to think of anything to say about it.

It’s definitely for a reason, as the movie is so terribly average and vanilla that formulating any sort of likeness or dislike to the thing is a feat in of itself.

Ok, the movie is a sequel to a remake, not actually a remake to the original’s sequel. So no bikers and hillbillies, just mutant cannibals popping out of caves. It’s Army Men vs. Mutant Cannibals; which, by the way, they definitely should’ve called this. So you can’t go in expecting acting, great dialogue, directing, etc. But what you should be able to count on is a least an interesting ride, or at the very least a bloody, gory ride, and for the most part the movie didn’t even achieve this.

The worst part is it really shows where Wes Craven is right now. As the original creator, he had a chance to do something really interesting with this revamped franchise, yet instead him and his son come up with this? Wrong Turn was a better flick than this, and that movie owed qutie a bit to the original Hills. I’d like to be able to blame Martin Weisz, the director of this atrocity, for these troubles, but after watching the movie it appears Weisz simply appeared on set and pointed the camera. There isn’t much going on with anything in this movie really at all.

There are some hints of anti-Iraq War sentiments, but it’s nothing obvious or blatant at all. In fact, the one soldier who comes out against the war is portrayed as more of a wimp, but like the films preceding, becomes crazed with violence once pressured. This was the focus of the original and the remake, that once put to the test and the limit, the meekest and most peacenik of people will turn violent and homicidal. The original movie had this to a T when it actually ends with the former peaceable character smashing a head in to save his kid. In this film, however, it isn’t the focus of the film, but merely just a casual side note that really doesn’t lead anywhere or mean anything, just a pattern or possible tie-in with the themes of the earlier flicks.

The score isn’t anything to write home about, either, as it mainly consists of some cheap cresecndos, a few 'stingers,' plus a repeat of the pulsing electronic beat from the remake.

Towards the end, however, we are finally treated to quite a bit of gore, and a few kills that will reel the gorehounds in a bit. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before (which was actually why I wasn’t impressed with the remake, sans the better but simpler characterizations), but at least after suffering for an hour or so of crappy dialogue and cheap scares it’s nice to finally have the pay-off. Plus, the last guy gets it pretty hard, so to speak. Unfortunately it ends with a Part Three possibility so if this does well we might get a "Hills Have Some More Eyes" next year.

If you really need your Crazy Cannibals Kill Army People fix, I would wait until this hits DVD, which will probably be pretty soon. There’s no real reason to rush out and check it on the big screen.

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I am not sure what prompted me so see this. Well, come to think of it, it was either this or Ghost Rider. Yeah, I betcha you're wondering what the hell I was thinking. Well, you can all thank the oh-so-wonderful country of Germany for not getting "GrindHouse" here on time. (They get all their crap late. No wonder this damn country is so behind the times.) So anyway, my 7.60 euro (which is like $354.00 dollars) and over a hour of my life are gone, never to be seen again.

Right off the bat, I didn't care for any one of the damn characters and could care less what happened to them. This movie drools all kinds of stupid. There was maybe one character that I actually gave a crap about. The rest of 'em got what they deserved as stupidty should be rewarded as such in situations like this. I can see why they had to go with "National Guard" members, because you better believe if they sent actual "Active Duty" cats into those hills the movie would be over in 20 minutes, period. I could go into a laundry list of "You've got to be f'ing kidding me's"(mostly due to me being in the Air Force and working as a 'medic'), but it's no point because they didn't go with real soldiers. Instead, we get these boneheads and it still doesn't matter because you're only paying for the bodycount. If this is to a "representation" of what OUR Army National Guard members are supposed to be, I imagine you should, a) be very insulted should you serve as one, or b) be very worried about who's fighting this "War on Terror" for us. I'm gonna go with c) on this one: Gimme back my damn money.

As for the techinical direction and motivation for this heap, you sir Mr. Weisz were downright abhorrant. I guess maybe he had to work with he was given. Mr. Craven (both of you) should be ashamed of yourselves. Damn, Wes, is this what it has to come to? You really allow your name to be attached (and your son) to this trash? Whatever. I guess the mighty have fallen in some cases. The writers? Yeah right, I guess they were just in it to cash a few checks. Editing? Who cares. In fact I can't begin to imagine what excuses these fools have for all of this coming out the way it was.

The SFX and 'kill factor' (only reason this even gets the 4 rating) is the only saving grace. I thought the mutants were very interesting and I like that they didn't go with a lotta CGI for them this time around. I also thought they gave a little more insight as to how twisted the bastards really are. Lot's of red paint to go across the canvas so if anything, you should be satisfied by that. The finale actually gets some kudos. (If you accidentally see this somehow, you'll see what I mean.) If you feel the need to see it, rent it. If you feel the need to own it, wait for it to be like "Free", then buy it. I'm sorry, Craven (the both of you), but even though Aja made your franchise look like gold in the first revamp, I can't give you a pass for this one. Since you decided to give us a cliffhanger, I'll throw a suggestion into the mix for a sub-title: "Your Hills Can Kiss My Half-Breed Ass". Off th'plank with ya!

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