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    Item, The (1999)
"Item, The" Boxart

Warning! The cover, box, and tagline have nothing to do with the movie. Well, except the title, but even then it's stretching.
Anyway, what we have here is four life-long friends and criminal partners that get hired to go out to the desert and receive a package. They meet up with a Dr. Ody, who gives them the box and shows them what's inside: a strange wormy thing that's on life support. Dr. Ody starts to change his mind about the deal and gets blown away.
The team goes to a friend of Alex's, an art student by the name of Rita. They intend to just hang out until the person that "ordered" the worm arrives.
However, the thing wakes up. They clean it up like Dr. Ody told them to as it looks around the room (despite it's eyes being sewn shut). They put it in a little wastebasket and let Fatty watch over it. Everything is going fine, until it starts to talk...

Cheeser Meter: 8.0 out of 10 (Based on 1 ratings, rate this movie)
Year: 1999
Copyright: 1999 Trillion Entertainment
Tagline: Something is dying to get out.
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Who Picked This Movie?
It was Fox who gave us the pleasure of viewing this gem.

Alex - Dan Clark
Lauren - DawnMarie Velasquez
Martin - Dave Pressler
Fatty - Dan Lake
Rita - Judy Jean Kwon
Dr. Ody - Ron Fitzgerald

Written and Directed by - Dan Clark

Reviews from the Cheesy Movie Night Crew

Write your own Review

Fox - 8 out of 10

Character development? What do I do??? ...

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Check list

Random violence - yes
Pointless nudity - yes
Uppercut - no
Extreme editing - yes
Graphic puppet sex - yes

Look For

Hard to look cool with a cute fuzzy phone.
Extreme...skateboarding sequence I guess?
Why do they all sound like Power Rangers?
Extreme skateboarding #2 what the hell is going on??
Pointless slo-mo!
Did he just pass gas?
Extreme eating sequence for like an hour!
Ultra frying pan combo!
Ok...we get the eyes/dying scene already.
That gives new meaning to the phrase "coughing up blood."

Best Lines

Lauren - "Is that 'fuck' we stay or 'fuck' we split?"

Alex - "Fatty!" *POW!*

Alex - "Tastes like chicken."

Fatty - "Ninja-fucking-queen."

Alex - "Come out!"
Asian Drag Queen - "Mister, I came out years ago. You come out!"

Alex - "It looks like a giant cock."

Final Verdict
This "Item" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH) is worth a look-see, indeedly-do. Just don't trust the cover and you'll be ok.
Next time you are looking for something through, follow one of the links on our site to purchase it or click here. A portion of the sale will go towards maintaining this site.
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