Synopsis:
"Useless Fat Cow" is some released crazy broad who runs a really sleazy rundown motel under the same name minus the "Massacre" even though it looks like just that. "Useless Fat Cow" murders her daughter by mistake, yet, still gets to manage the motel. Eventually the rest of the cast somehow end up at the motel by chance, not that it matters. With her powers of "stealth" and convienently placed corridors, "Useless Fat Cow" begins to pick 'em off one by one.
You'd think a story set in the woods on a dark and stormy night with a psycho, chicks in wet t-shirts, and bunnies would make for some great happy-fun-time.
Nope.
Year:
1986
Copyright:
1986 New World Pictures
Tagline:
Please do not disturb Evelyn. She already is.
It was Captain Cool who gave us the pleasure of viewing this gem.
Reverend Bill McWiley - Bill Thurman
Evelyn (aka "Useless Fat Cow") - Anna Chappell
Al - Will Mitchel
Tanya - Virginia Loridans
Crewshaw - Major Brock
Sheriff - James Bradford
Prissy - Amy Hill
Mary - Marian Jones
Vernon - Gregg Brazzel
Lori - Jill King
Directed & written by - Jim McCullough Sr.
Captain Cool - No out of 10
**AARRGGGH!**
Not only is this useless bitch annoying as all hell, I have no fucking idea how this fat fucking 5436 lb fat-ass is able to fucking stealth in shadows and kill like she did. Also in this wonderful "labrynth" she has somehow built, we have to watch her play jokes on all of the guests which in turn extends the torture of this f*cking atrocity. The black guy gets to be covered in roaches. Derrrp!
Thankfully (and do I stress that) the guests were likeable due to the lack of "cliches" as the reactions were more realistic (mostly intelligent) as to how a group of people would handle themselves in this kind of situation.
Penalties for having chicks in wet t's only to "no show" later on and crap SFX also gets you well disliked 'round here.
Here at "BWW Movies" we usually try to find a silver lining in each entry that we may take with us...
Fuck that. I'm through bein' nice.
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**AARRGGGH!** ...
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Piss poor random violence- yes
Uppercuts- no
Pointless Nudity (Wet t's don't count, pal.)- no
Bunny wabbits!- yes
Aside from the poor goat, bunnies, Old Crow, and Vienna Sausages, there isn't much else.
Bill - "For a while, I thought I was the only one brave enough to stay at this place."
Crewshaw - "Yeah. Or broke enough."
Vernon - "What did you expect? The Holiday Inn? You know I can't afford that."
Vernon - "I'm so horny I can't stand it!"
You could get fucking Rob Schnieder to play the "Useless Fat Cow" and it still wouldn't help this useless butt dribble.
