Synopsis:
We're going to have to split this one up into two parts. Part one is what the movie was supposed to be about:
On a satellite relay base, two men are trapped in a transmission cell. The television monitors show political unrest and violence around the world, but all they can do is watch and try not to go crazy. Cunningham has nightmares of rabbits destroying the plains around them, and Barker slowly drinks himself into a stupor. The walls are closing in on the men as the tension increases. In one moment, all this will change when one of the men go crazy in an unexpected rage. Who will survive?
Part two is what really happens in the movie:
Two men are at a relay station. Cunningham, the older one, is crazy, and runs out along the plains all day, playing with ferrets. Barker watches "Name That Tune," or attempts to with the horrible reception (at a relay station!), and drinks occasionally.
Later, Cunningham smashes the TV's and runs away into the plains. Barker is sent to the city to explain what happened. After finding out that no one is being sent to look for Cunningham, he decides to look for him on a really slow motorcycle. He finds him, but was it in time?
Sound like a 30-minute episode of a show? Well, add 40 minutes or so of people staring off into space, and you have Panic Station. Feel the tension!
Year:
1982
Copyright:
1982 Seon Film Productions
Tagline:
Where the closest horizon is hell!
Who will survive to tell the truth about Panic Station?
It was Fox who gave us the pleasure of viewing this gem.
Barker - Richard Moir
Cunningham - Reg Evans
Lenko - Gerard Kennedy
Director - Ian Pringle
Written by - Doug Ling, Elizabeth Parsons & Ian Pringle
Wolf Zombie - No out of 10
Well, the tagline almost says it all. Just add "No one" to the end of "Who will survive to tell the terrifying truth about Panic Station?". This movie is beyond belief boring. My two cents on this are plain and simple. No
Hide Full Review 
Well, the tagline almost says it all. Just add "No one" to the end of "Who will survive to tell the ...
Show Full Review 
Smidlett - 0.5 out of 10
Ok, this movie was NOT scary. Pianos did not play across my chest in this "horror" flick! I don't know where they get people to make these movies!! Cunningham made me laugh with his crazy hair, chasing birds (that were NOT eagles by the by), and his pyscho dreams. Barker got way too involved watching "Name That Tune," but I guess that's all he had to do. That by the by is the movie. Sorry if I gave anything away! Watch this if you want to be really really REALLY bored!
Hide Full Review
Ok, this movie was NOT scary. Pianos did not play across my chest in this "horror" flick! I don't ...
Show Full Review
Fox - 0 out of 10
By now, you'd think I would be used to being disappointed by the backs of movie boxes. However, this one really pissed me off.
As you can see in the synopsis, the real movie presented here has nothing to do with the premise. I was actually looking forward to seeing this one, because I thought it was going to be one of those hidden gems we so rarely stumble upon. Well, no.
There are no horror elements, no thriller elements, no movie elements at all. Nothing happens, let alone anything that makes you give a shit about the characters involved. Then it ends. I would have given this a NO, but I gave it small, small credit for the premise. Argh! Me so mad!
Hide Full Review
By now, you'd think I would be used to being disappointed by the backs of movie boxes. However, this ...
Show Full Review
Pointless nudity - no
Random violence - no
Uppercuts - no
Plot - no
"Piano on your chest tension" - no
Orange EVERYTHING.
Ooh, Mega-Wedgie!
Canned crap for breakfast, yum.
Random stop-motion photography!
Camel plug!
Coke plug!
Why is he riding a motorcycle? He could crawl faster than that!
Ok, you just threw a barrel through a window, now you're trying to sneak around?
Barker - "Cunningham's army of weasels and eagles beating the shit out of rabbits."
Barker - "How the fuck are we going to relay the transmission?"
Barker - "Will you just come down, I can't do it alone!"
Barker - "Cunningham, you fuckwit, come back!"
Terrible, terrible movie. Avoid contact with skin and especially eyes for any amount of time. If contact is made, immediately gouge eyes out with spoon. Repeat if necessary.
0.1 out of 10 (Based on 4 ratings, 
