Synopsis:
It starts out with a woman in a hospital bed. She has a nice arrangement of flowers next to her bed. Upon seeing them, she screams and dies.
We then follow the story of the Bennett's, Ellen and John, and their friend Helena. Ellen has just hired Carl, a gardener, to take care of her, well, garden. He does so. VERY WELL.
Unfortunately, people die just by viewing his wonderful flowers, and he is seducing Ellen by walking around without his shirt on, and swimming in the buff.
I just realized that I am typing a lot of information about a movie in which absolutely nothing happens in, so I'm going to stop. The end has Carl turning into a damn tree, then being burned up. I just saved you a couple bucks and your MIND.
Year:
1974
Copyright:
1974 Sinister Cinema
Tagline:
Garden of LOVE... Garden of DEATH, He Plants the Seeds of Evil
It was Unknown who gave us the pleasure of viewing this gem.
Ellen - Katharine Houghton
Carl - Joe Dallesandro
Helena - Rita Gam
John - James Congdon
Director - James H. Kay
Written by - James H. Kay
Fox - No out of 10
A few years ago, we watched a movie.
Shortly afterwards, it was erased from our memories.
Now, upon the release of "The Gardener," a.k.a. "Seeds of Evil" to DVD, I have made it my goal to show the world the evil that is this movie.
"Shouldn't you just ignore it?" says some guy I made up. "That way it will disappear with no one seeing it."
Wrong! The world must be made aware of this film, so future historians can mark this evilness so it will never be allowed to roam the earth, devouring babies and pillaging whole villages.
What I have done is taken the film and analyzed it, scene by scene, to break it down to its core and show the world just how blatantly awful this movie is.
I lost a lot of blood doing this. My mind has suffered terrible losses I will never get back. I've had friends die after viewing this film once; I've managed to sit throught it roughly six times. Twice with the separate commentaries. You just...can't imagine what I've been through.
So please read my analysis and pass it on...it may save a life.
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A few years ago, we watched a movie. ...
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Wolf Zombie - No out of 10
Why have you gotten this far into this movie. Stop reading now and find another one. This has to be one of the worst movies we have had the blind luck to stumble on. This movie does not belong in the "Movie" genre. Instead it should be smashed under a cinder block and sent into space. I can not stress enough... DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!! You will regret it for years to come, and could possibly even need therapy. We are still going through the denial phase after seeing this movie. There is nothing worth mentioning about this movie except not to rent it.
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Why have you gotten this far into this movie. Stop reading now and find another one. This has to b ...
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Captain Cool - No out of 10
AND you have tha audacity to have MAN-ASS?!
Keep on scrollin' buddy, you ain't gettin' no love from me.
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Pointless Man Ass - yes
Random Violence - no
Uppercuts - no
Seeds - no
Evil - no
So...looking at the flowers kills you?
Slow motion in random useless places.
Oooooh, she gave him the CrAzY eYe!¡
Oh god, Man-ass
Yeah, apparently just looking at them kills you. WOW.
They're glowing flowers! THROW THEM AWAY!
Random semi-nude painted chick aaahhh I'm trying too hard.
Ok, we get the idea she's not home! Hang up!
Dammit, more Man-Ass!
Ellen - "I must be losing my mind."
Helena - "Well, I'm losing my cool, I've never seen anything as beautiful as you."
Jenny - "Aunt Ellen, I know what you're thinking."
Ellen - "What?"
Jenny - "That I'm some international hippie."
Helena - "Well, aren't you?"
Jenny - "Yes."
Ellen - "I'd hate to call Europe, but I will."
Considering buying this movie from anywhere will cost you an arm and a leg, as well as ruining the rest of your movie collection in the process; well, let's just calmly say it's not worth it. Like a 'ripping your esophagus out isn't worth it' kind of thing.
