Linda works somewhere, doing something, but has problems completing that because Countess Nadine is all in her thoughts and dreams and stuff because she wants her for herself. There's also some like bloodsucking and stuff because Nadine is a vampire who was turned by Dracula himself and jive.
**That's supposed to be how you would really pay attention to the film given the name of the title. Too bad nothing of the name happens enough for you not to know what is really going on**

Linda - Ewa Strömberg
Countess Nadine Carody - Soledad Miranda
Omar - Andrés Monales
Dr. Alwin Seward - Dennis Price
Dr. Steiner - Paul Muller
Agra - Heidrun Kussin
Memmet - Jesus Franco
Morpho - José Martínez Blanco

Written by - Jaime Chávarri & Jesus Franco
Directed by - Jesus Franco

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Captain Cool - 3 out of 10

Bah!!! What a fucking tease this movie is! As soon as it gets hot, it goes cold. Of course, if you are a fan of Franco (and being put to sleep) than this is right up your alley.

Scorpion, kite, blood, window, scarf, table, pool..What do they have in common? Fuck if I know! I'm trying to find the "Vampyros Lesbos"! How in the hell do you tie in the "Count Dracula" angle as well? That's a definite 'WTF?!' Don't get me wrong, some of the film was shot nicely and I have always been a sucker for vibrant scenery and good camerawork, but dude, seriously. Your movie is titled "Vampyros Lesbos"! Where are they?!

I will at least never have a problem saying that Franco has an eye for beauty. Cripes all Fridays! Ewa Strömberg & Soledad Miranda (may she rest in peace) will burn beautiful images into your brain, but come on...your movie is called "Vampyros Lesbos"? Where in the fuck are they? I don't give a crap about that scorpion, that pool, that car, that building, that uhh, err, roof, that umm grass, or that fucking damnass kite!

Your movie is called "VAMPYROS LESBOS"! Where the fuckingdamnasshell are they?!

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Bah!!! What a fucking tease this movie is! As soon as it gets hot, it goes cold. Of course, if you ...

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Pointless nudity - yes
Random violence (no artistic impression allowed)- no
Uppercut - no
"Great" soundtrack - yes

Interpretive dance, which in this case, interprets nothing.
What does the kite mean? How the fuck should we know?!
What? Is she gonna hurl or something?
Great advice, Doc. Really.
Hellooooo Countess Carody!
Extreme-beach-bunny-nude-swimming-sequence!
You forgot to take off your belly chain, wait, nevermind. Leave it on.
This scene would be hot if it were not for the useless scorpion, and the moth, and the window, and that fucking kite!
Ewww! Erotic vampire-lesbian drool.
No, don't faint! Go join her, fool!
Extreme yoga.
Great, more UN-interpretive dance.
Vulcan death grip, bitch!

Linda - "It's strange. I have this feeling that I've been here before and that I know you."
Nadine - "I have that same feeling. It happens a lot."

Nadine - "This is blood. Didn't you realize that it was blood?"

Dr. Seward - "You have to split the head with and ax or pierce it with a bar."

Memmet - "My hate and love for you are infinite."

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