Yeah, you read me right up there. WAY too much nudity. "How?" you might ask. I think the point of building up women that are supposed to be super attractive and seductive is that the audience will go "holy crap, they ARE super attractive and seductive!" The only reaction I got from seeing them was "holy crap, I need to vomit!" This happens a lot in these micro budget cheese filled donuts of movies. Surprisingly, a few attractive, real looking women do appear in the movie, but of course no payoff with them.

I mean this isn't Nosferatu. At least there was the irony of this incredibly hideous creature still suckling on loose women. Here, and other movies like this, the most godawful looking females in history are built up to be Helen of Troys, when they seriously look a little more Kraken-esque. I don't get it. It's stupid and annoying. Then they disrobe, the awful boob jobs appear, and I tune out.

Speaking of the Kraken, he makes a guest cameo appearance here at the end. Their "ancient god" or whatever is supposed to be like a Lovecraft-type creature, with long tentacles and a gaping mouth for devouring souls or some such thing. To be honest, it's the only interesting bit in the movie at all, and when it popped out of the wall in the dungeon I actually managed to come out of my coma for a bit and pay attention. Of course it goes nowhere and leads up to an ending completely out of left field, but what can you do.

The acting is the usual micro budget "let's get our friends to do it" nonsense, except I actually thought the guy that plays Damian seemed to actually get into his character a bit. He's the "funny" character that is socially awkward, who nobody would ever hang out with, but of course the main characters MUST deal with because he's...retarded, or something. Anyway he was the only one with some characterization. Not saying much, but it was appreciated.

Another thing was they really tried to give the main female character some sort of arc - it didn't work at all, but they really seemed to try. It sets up the stupid, pointless ending but whatever.

The special effects are awful, but to be expected for a micro budget. Lots of decapitated rubber heads, even one for Ron Jeremy (OMG SPOILERS), not to mention limbs and blood everywhere. What I want to know is, according to the lead hideous "hot" woman, the witches have to kill 666 people EVERY FREAKING YEAR to stay alive. There are body parts strung all over their basement, so obviously they aren't one to clean up after themselves. I mean, let's say the Satan Cthulu whatever monster eats the bodies every year. That's once a damn year. Six hundred and sixty six people every year? Do you know how hard it is to hide ONE body? Not that I know personally...someone told me it was tough though. Yeah. I mean jesus, the community must be almost completely empty by now.

Whatever. My brain hurts enough from shielding my eyes from their hideous fake boobs. They had one or two ok ideas but it's obvious that they didn't really try, just to set out yet another quick buck piece of crap. In that spirit, I won't try to pretend I liked it, and give them a low score.

Hide Full Review